Put the Bacon Down and Roll Initiative
Mike’s Opening Rant: This Ain’t a Buffet, It’s a Battle
There’s a dragon in the courtyard. Smoke’s pourin’ through the gates. The wizard’s yellin’. The rogue’s bleedin’. And what’s the barbarian doin’?
“I check what snacks are left on the tavern table.”
FIVE ROUNDS OF COMBAT AND THIS MILK-DRINKER’S STILL INVENTORYING HIS LUNCH!!
And don’t get me started on the lad who interrupted a stealth op to debate the spice levels of fantasy stew. Or the druid who refused to shapeshift till someone described the wine list.
FOCUS, YA DISTRACTED, ALE-SNIFFIN’, BACON-POCKETIN’, TURN-EATIN’, DRAGON-IGNORIN’ MENU BROWSER!!
This Ain’t Food Network — It’s a Dungeon
👉 At Mike’s Tavern, we love food. But not when yer roast duck is holdin’ up the damn story. Learn focus, flow, and timing in Tavern Etiquette, or see how real characters act under pressure in Player Builds & NPCs.
Distractions Kill Pacing — and Sometimes Players
There’s nothin’ wrong with enjoyin’ the flavor. A good setting’s got smells, sounds, sensations. But when ya choose to lean into that matters.
Wrong time:
During combat
While someone’s deliverin’ a death monologue
Mid-puzzle
While the table’s starin’ at ya, waitin’ on a simple action
Right time:
Short rests
Light downtime scenes
Non-critical tavern chatter
When the whole table is engaged in flavor-building
Hunger Ain’t a Personality Trait
If yer entire character boils down to “I like snacks,” then what yer doin’ ain’t roleplay — it’s delayin’. It’s makin’ scenes about yer appetite instead of the action.
Seen it too many times:
Bard won’t enter the cave till he orders dessert.
Rogue has a meltdown over rations in the middle of a chase.
Cleric refuses to cast spells until someone acknowledges her “bread ritual.”
It’s funny once. Maybe twice. Then it’s just a blockage.
Ya wanna see flavorful done right? Look here:
The Goblin Cleric Who Hates Healing (But Does It Anyway) — he’s got quirks, but he still acts.
Captain Nail, the Law in Broken Armor — no time for snacks when justice is burnin’.
You’re Slowin’ the Game, Not “Adding Flavor”
Look. Every second ya spend roleplayin’ yer soup is a second someone else don’t get to play. This is a shared table, not yer solo cooking channel.
Want food to matter?
Make it relevant. Use it in rituals. Tie it to backstory. Build relationships with it.
But don’t grind the game to a halt just to roleplay chew sounds.
FAQ
Q: Can’t I have a food-obsessed character?
A: Sure. But keep it tight. Use it to build story, not eat up every damn turn.
Q: What if food is the scene?
A: Then grand. Feast away. But not in combat. Not in crisis. And not every fifteen minutes.
Q: Is it really that big a deal?
A: It is when yer bacon obsession has us all waitin’ six rounds for ya to roll a d20.
Bring Snacks — But Don’t Roleplay Every Bite
👉 Mike’s Tavern is where flavor meets focus. Let yer food scenes shine when the story allows — and not when the party’s in peril. Visit Player Tips | Talk to Mike
