Ain’t Nothin’ Romantic About Ruinin’ the Session
Mike’s Opening Rant: Stop Turnin’ My Dungeon Into a Dating Sim
Had a bard once — same fool every week — could not go five minutes without tryna charm, seduce, or soul-bond with anythin’ that had legs. Elf? Flirt. Goblin? Wink. Sentient ooze? “What’s your pronoun, gorgeous?”
One time, in the middle of a tense negotiation with a lich, the fool interrupts to say, “I cast Charm Person — but, like, romantically.”
AND THE WHOLE SCENE WENT UP IN SMOKE BECAUSE HIS CHARACTER "FELT A VIBE."
Get this through yer lust-addled skulls: ROMANCE ISN’T A RIGHT — IT’S A RISK, AND HALF THE TIME IT AIN’T WORTH IT!!
Consent, Timing, and Tone Ain’t Optional
👉 Mike’s Tavern don’t mind love stories — when they belong. But if yer makin’ scenes awkward or turnin’ the tale sour for yer own fantasy, maybe sit this one out. Learn restraint in Tavern Etiquette or see how to craft memorable bonds in Player Builds & NPCs.
If Yer Romance Is Ruinin’ Immersion, Ya Failed the Roll
Look — a romance can be powerful. Heartfelt. Even heroic. But that ain’t what this is about.
This is about the lad who won’t stop turnin’ every new NPC into a conquest. The lass who demands every tavern scene become a candlelit confession. The player who writes steamy side-scrolls about relationships nobody agreed to play through.
If yer idea of story is makin’ everybody uncomfortable while you pour wine and whisper backstory at the wizard, you ain’t roleplayin’. Yer takin’ hostages.
The Party Ain’t Yer Audience, and the GM Ain’t Yer Matchmaker
This game ain’t about fulfillin’ yer unspoken longings through fantasy courtin’. It’s a group story. And unless everyone signed up for the romance plot, what yer doin’ ain’t cute — it’s selfish.
Let’s be clear:
No, not every NPC is “giving you signals”
No, the GM is not obligated to “play along”
No, other players don’t owe you romantic subplots
And if yer makin’ them squirm, that’s a problem — not a victory.
Want Real Romance? Build It Like a Story, Not a Script
Want a bond that matters? That lasts? Take a look at:
The Paladin Who Can’t Lie but Carries a Shield That Does — love through honor and pain.
The Tiefling Who Was Never Really There — vulnerability without seduction.
The Sorceress Who Glows Like a Villain but Fights Like a Hero — a character built for desire and dignity.
They ain’t breakin’ the scene for a cheap thrill. They’re buildin’ trust — and let the table breathe.
FAQ
Q: Can I play a romantic character?
A: Absolutely. Just do it with consent, context, and class. And for Morgran’s sake — pace it.
Q: What if the table does want romance?
A: Then have at it! But even then, don’t derail every scene for smoldering stares and innuendo.
Q: What if I didn’t know I was makin’ others uncomfortable?
A: Then now ya do. Dial it back. Ask first. Adjust.
If Ya Want Romance, Make It Earned — Not Forced
👉 Mike’s Tavern is where stories grow from the party, not in spite of it. Love stories are welcome — but not when they stomp all over the rest o’ the table. Talk to Mike | Learn the Etiquette
