The Goblin Cleric Who Hates Healing (But Does It Anyway)
Character Type: Player Character
Build Type: Roleplay-Focused
Build Role: Support (with a grudge)
Mike's Thoughts from the Barstool
Now I’ve met a lotta strange party clerics in me time — fireball-flingin' life givers, doom-preachin’ herbalists, even one lad who worshipped a literal chair. But Zurgz? Zurgz don’t heal because he wants to. He heals because he has to — like a barkeep who wipes the counter after ya spill ale all over yer trousers. Again.
Zurgz believes every healing spell is a debt. He’ll patch up yer guts, then spend the next week guiltin’ ya about it. “Remember who kept yer spleen inside, milk drinker,” he’ll mutter over breakfast. And don’t ya dare get dropped twice in a fight. He’ll still save ya — with a dramatic groan and a speech about how yer weakness shames the ancestors.
But I’ll tell ya what. I trust that little wart-ridden runt with me life more than a thousand self-righteous, prayer-blabbin’ zealots. He don’t heal for glory. He don’t heal for faith. He heals ’cause no one else’ll do it right. And if that ain’t a real cleric, I don’t know what is.
This Ain’t Your Grandma’s Support Build
👉 Mike’s Tavern has the NPCs and character builds that bite back, groan louder, and live longer than the rest. If yer sick of cookie-cutter priest builds, try another one here — and thank Zurgz when he saves ya, again.
Build Overview: Zurgz, Bitter Lifekeeper of the Scabbed Circle
Background & Race
Race: Goblin (small, scrappy, perpetually annoyed)
Background: War Medic Dropout
Core Trait: “No one dies on my watch. But yer gonna wish ya did.”
Core Stats
Class: Cleric (Grave Domain or equivalent)
Starting Weapon: Spiked Mace wrapped in prayer-scribbled cloth
AC: Decent, but prefers cover and insults to armor
HP: Mid-range. Burns healing on allies, not himself. Martyr complex optional.
Unique Features
Guilt-Tinged Healing: After healing an ally, may choose to inflict 1 psychic damage as an “emotional debt.” (Talk to yer GM — it's mostly for flavor, but gives Zurgz his bite.)
Scabbed Circle Secrets: Knows obscure rites like "Stitchwound Chant" and "The Bandage That Binds with Bile" — renamed versions of standard heals with more blood and bark than grace.
Unholy Bedside Manner: All heals include colorful muttering, side-eyes, and a reminder of past mistakes. Works best with nervous allies or overconfident tanks.
Roleplay Hooks
Collects bones from every party member he’s healed “as a reminder.”
Writes down every injury in a little leather-bound “Pain Ledger.”
Refuses to accept thanks. Grumbles, then heals again.
How Zurgz Pairs with the Sword That Remembers
You want drama? Pair this bitter soul-healer with The Sword That Remembers Every Kill It Makes. The sword sings mournful hymns at night. Zurgz answers with snoring, curses, and muttered guilt prayers. The blade whispers about the ones it’s slain. Zurgz mutters about the ones he had to revive. It’s a match made in unholy noise.
And mechanically? That sword’s memory echo effect? Perfect for Zurgz to whisper forgotten names and regrets to the dying — even if it’s just to guilt 'em into not dying next time.
Ready to Mix Curses with Compassion?
👉 Whether yer crafting a bitter battlefield healer or a blade haunted by memories, Mike’s Tavern’s the forge for flavor. Check the Tavern Armory for cursed gear that makes Zurgz’s job harder, and the Player Builds and NPCs rack for allies just as weird. Still confused? Holler at me direct, lad.
FAQ
Q: Can Zurgz work in combat-heavy campaigns?
A: Aye. He just won’t be happy about it. Let him sulk while savin’ yer arse.
Q: Is the sword and cleric combo too edgy for my group?
A: Depends. If they can’t handle the emotional baggage, tell ’em to grab a wooden spoon and go back to soup ladling.
