Stop Rollin’ for Everything. Think Before Ya Dice, Ya Pebble-Counter

Dec 11

By Brunlin’s missing eyebrow, I swear some of ye treat dice like sacred relics instead o’ tools. Every five seconds, I hear it — “I roll perception.” “I roll persuasion.” “I roll to exist.”
Ye roll to talk, roll to blink, roll to eat a sandwich — as if yer whole character’s a puppet with no sense o’ judgment.

Let me make this clear: the dice don’t tell the story — ye do.
The dice are just there to see if yer daft idea works or not. But half of ye toss ‘em before even decidin’ what the hell ye want to do.

And when the GM sighs and says, “What are ye trying to accomplish, lad?” ye freeze like a goblin in daylight.
That’s because ye rolled without thinkin’. And that, me friend, is how good ideas die before they’re even born.

When Ye Roll First, Ye Kill the Drama

The best players I’ve ever seen don’t reach for dice until they’ve earned ‘em.
They paint the scene, talk, act. Then, when the moment’s ripe, then they roll.

See, roleplay’s about intention — not math. The dice add tension, sure, but if they’re doin’ all the talkin’ for ye, ye might as well play a calculator.
When a player narrates before they roll, that’s story.
When a player rolls instead o’ narratin’, that’s noise.

Ye don’t have to roll for every damn thing, lad. Sometimes, ye just do it.
If yer bard wants to lift a tavern crowd’s spirits, start singin’! Don’t just say, “I roll performance.”
If yer rogue’s peekin’ ‘round a corner, say how. If yer cleric’s comfortin’ a dyin’ ally, use yer words before ye roll a number.

👉 If ye need a refresher on how to actually roleplay like a livin’ soul, not a dice goblin, try How to Roleplay Without Feelin’ Like an Idiot.
And if yer whole party’s treatin’ every scene like a turn-based spreadsheet, maybe it’s time to revisit If It Feels Like Work, Yer Doin’ It Wrong.

The Curse o’ the Math-Hungry Player

Ye know the type.
The one who interrupts a tense scene with “Can I roll insight?” before the NPC’s even finished talkin’.
The one who rolls investigation at every table, every door, every puddle, until the GM’s eyes start bleedin’.

Let me tell ye: that ain’t clever, that’s clutter.
A story’s supposed to flow like ale, not stop every ten seconds for someone to roll and squint at a number.

The GM don’t need a dice avalanche to know yer curious. Show it through yer words, yer actions, yer initiative.
Talk to the world before ye test it.

Dice Are for the Moments That Matter

When the dice come out, the table should feel it.
Every roll should mean somethin’ — risk, drama, chance, failure.
If ye’re rollin’ to decide who blinks first, ye’re missin’ the point o’ the game.

I’ve seen parties go three hours with barely a roll, and everyone was on the edge o’ their seat.
Then I’ve seen parties roll every two minutes and still look like they’re at a tax seminar.

The difference? Intent.

👉 Look to Ye Don’t Have to Cry to Be a Character for how to make emotion matter more than dice rolls, or What If My Character’s Dumb (And So Am I)? Yer Not Dumb, Ya Damn Fool for proof that personality beats numbers any day.

The GM’s Not Yer Slot Machine

Ye don’t “win” by rollin’ high — ye win by makin’ moments.
And when the GM says, “No roll needed,” that ain’t punishment, that’s a compliment. It means ye played it smart.
Trust me, lad, GMs love when players act first and roll second. It gives ‘em somethin’ to build on.

Ye ever notice how When the Loudest Player Starts Runnin’ the Table ends with the same lesson?
Because thinkin’ before actin’ applies on both sides o’ the screen.

Don’t Let the Dice Think for Ye

Yer character’s got instincts, emotions, goals — use ‘em.
The dice decide how well ye do somethin’, not what ye do.
Stop treatin’ ‘em like the brain o’ the party.

Next time ye feel that itchy hand reachin’ for the d20, stop. Ask yerself:
“Do I need to roll, or can I just play?”
Half the time, the answer’s play. The other half, the roll means more when it finally lands.

So play smarter, speak clearer, and for the love of Harnak’s shattered pickaxe — stop rollin’ to walk across the damn room.

👉 Find more rough-cut wisdom at About Mike’s Tavern, or swing by The Strongest Character at the Table Is the One Who Listens before yer dice get melted into coasters.