The Tabletop

“Some folks grab a shield. I grabbed a table. And it worked.”

It’s exactly what it sounds like. A heavy, round tavern table—reinforced with steel brackets, leather grips, and a dent that still smells like stale ale. The Tabletop isn’t elegant. It’s not light. But it’ll take a fireball, a charging ogre, and a thrown mug without flinching. It’s for the kind of warrior who believes defense is best served with splinters.

Mike says he invented it. “Built it during a brawl, lad—shielded meself, knocked out a goblin, and used it to serve lunch right after.”

Because the best defense is whatever’s closest. And sometimes, that’s furniture.
👉 For when yer cleric won’t heal ya and the rogue keeps dying behind you, grab The Tabletop at the Tavern Armory. Or order a round and ask us why it creaks.

The Tabletop – Shield Stats

Type: Shield (Tower-style)
AC Bonus: +2 (can grant cover as well)
Weight: 25 lbs
Properties: Heavy, awkward, two-handed
Attunement: No
Special: Flip and Block

• Half-Cover Slam (1/short rest):
  As an action, you may plant the Tabletop forward, creating half-cover for yourself and up to 2 adjacent allies. Lasts until you move or are knocked prone. The shield must be reset before being used again.

• Heavy as Regret:
  If wielded without Strength 16 or higher, suffer disadvantage on Dex saves and initiative rolls. It’s a literal table, lad.

• Splinterbash:
  Once per turn when you take the Dodge action, you may bash an adjacent enemy for 1d4 bludgeoning damage. No attack roll—just pain and pride.

• Wooden Soul:
  Immune to rusting, acid, and termites. Weak to fire and axe attacks—it’s wood after all.

GM Notes:

Drop this in low-magic campaigns, tavern brawls, or comedic one-shots. Fits great on strength tanks, drunken monks, or anybody who treats combat like bar service. Reward creative cover usage!

Pairs best with:

• Put the Bacon Down and Roll Initiative

• The Emberhook Blade

• Yer Not the Chosen One—Yer Just Another Player, Act Like It

• The Goblin Cleric Who Hates Healing (But Does It Anyway)

• About Mike’s Tavern

It won’t fit in yer bag of holding, but it will stop an arrow, a punch, and a flaming barstool.
👉 For more battlefield furniture and bad ideas that work, visit the Tavern Armory. No coasters required.

FAQ

Q: Can I use this as a weapon?
A: Technically, yes. Improvised weapon. Roll high. Hope the table holds.

Q: Does the flip cover stack with spells like Sanctuary or Bless?
A: Aye. Hide, bless, and let the caster do the thinking while you do the shielding.

Q: Can it be burned or broken?
A: Yes—but you’ll go with it, because by then you’re probably crouched behind it and crying.