When Proving Yer Worth Breaks the Game (and Yer Soul)
Still tryin’ to deadlift yer insecurities, are ya? Take a scroll break.
If yer real-world flexin’s gettin’ louder than yer dice, read these instead:
If It Feels Like Work, Yer Doin’ It Wrong
Or check the whole Try-Hard Survival Index and stop wrestlin’ the table, lad.
Mike’s Opening Rant: I Ain’t Here for Yer Acrobatics or Deadlifts
Had a lad once — big arms, bigger ego — played a barbarian. Before we even started, he says, “Watch this,” and actually tries to lift the table. Dice went flyin’, one mug of ale got sacrificed to the floor, and the wizard’s nachos were never seen again.
Next week, a lass playin’ a tabaxi rogue starts stretchin’ mid-roleplay. Arms behind her head, leg over the shoulder. “Just gettin’ into character,” she says, in a damn impressive standing split. Impressive … But now right now, lass.
Lad. Lass. I don’t care how bendy or bulky ya are — THIS AIN’T A DAMN CIRCUS, IT’S A GAME TABLE!!
…Sorry, lad. Lost me temper there.
There’s a time and place for makin’ IRL strength checks. That time is not when we’re decidin’ who gets ambushed. That place is not next to me full pint and a stack of painted minis.
Ya wanna powerlift? Grand. Stretch like a contortionist in yoga class? Great. Do it before the game. Or after. But don’t turn me tavern into a bloody sideshow while the rest of us are tryin’ to play some good old D&D 5e!
Yer Worth Ain’t Measured in Flexibility or Furniture Liftin’ Dammit
👉 At Mike’s Tavern, yer value comes from choices and character — not calves and crunches. Step back from the stunt show and learn to roleplay like a legend. Player Tips | Tavern Etiquette
The Game’s in Yer Head — Not in Yer Hamstrings
Look, I get it. Yer proud. You’ve worked hard on yerself. Maybe yer body is a temple.
But the table? It’s a tavern.
No one needs ya to prove yer strong, fast, or flexible. That’s what rolls are for. Your character does impossible things because they’re fiction. You don’t need to follow ‘em physically.
Yer monk ain’t better just because ya can roundhouse the snack bowl. Yer rogue ain’t stealthier ‘cause ya can crawl under the table.
In fact? You’re distractin’ from the story. Derailin’ scenes. Embarrassin’ others. And probably sprainin’ somethin’.
You Don’t Have to Be Yer Character — Just Play Them
Characters are power fantasies. Story mirrors. Roleplay is escape, not a checklist of traits ya need to “earn.”
Wanna play a genius wizard? Great — ya don’t need a PhD.
Wanna play a tank? No need to do pushups between rolls.
Wanna play a nimble rogue? Nobody’s askin’ you to scale the GM’s bookshelf to prove it.
Yer value at the table ain’t based on mimicry. It’s based on:
Collaboration
Creativity
Consistency
Compassion
And if yer missin’ those four, all the squats in the realm won’t make ya a better player.
Let the Fantasy Be Fantasy
If yer strugglin’ to separate you from yer character, take a look at:
The Paladin Who Can’t Lie but Carries a Shield That Does — deeply flawed. Perfectly loved.
The Sword That Remembers Every Kill — powerful, cursed, poetic. Not a bench press in sight.
The Tiefling Who Was Never Really There — quiet. Deadly. No somersaults required.
They ain’t tryna be their characters. They’re playing them. And that, lad, is the point.
FAQ
Q: What if acting like my character helps me get into it?
A: A little flair’s fine. But if yer makin’ others uncomfortable or breakin’ immersion, yer hurtin’ the table — not helpin’ it.
Q: What if I’m just havin’ fun?
A: Then ask yerself: is the table laughin’ with ya or at ya? And did anyone just lose a drink?
Q: Can I still show passion physically?
A: Course. But keep it safe, short, and inside yer bubble. Yer dice don’t need to do pushups.
If Ya Need to Prove Yer Worth, Yer Missin’ the Point
👉 Mike’s Tavern is where characters live loud and players live safe. Stop injurin’ yerself for a d6 of attention and come sit down like a proper legend. About the Tavern | Talk to Mike
