Not Every Scene Needs a Monologue, Lad
Think this is the only scroll worth readin’? Think again.
If yer the type who likes deliverin’ monologues mid-dungeon, maybe also read:
When Proving Yer Worth Breaks the Game (and Yer Soul)
Or check the whole Try-Hard Survival Index for every scroll in this series.
Mike’s Opening Rant: The Bard Who Wouldn’t Shut Up
I once had a bard named Caelien show up to a one-shot with 18 pages of printed dialogue. Handwritten. In cursive. Said he wanted to “reveal his trauma organically.” First scene we’re in a goblin cave, and instead of sneakin’ or fightin’, he starts talkin’ about his childhood trauma in the Moonwood. Out loud. TO THE GOBLINS.
WE HADN’T EVEN ROLLED INITIATIVE.
Needless to say, the goblins got confused. Then annoyed. Then stabby.
Listen, lad. Roleplay’s about characters, yes — but it’s also about timing. Not every scene needs yer full Shakespeare routine. Sometimes all it needs is a nod. A curse. A grunt. A choice. A roll.
Save the scroll-writing for yer diary. This is a table, not a theatre.
If Yer Speech Lasts Longer Than Combat, It’s Too Long
👉 Mike’s Tavern helps ya keep yer roleplay sharp, snappy, and story-driven — not table-cloggin’ and spotlight-gobblin’. Learn balance in Tavern Etiquette, or explore quieter powerhouses like The Tiefling Who Was Never Really There.
Learn to Breathe, Not Perform
Some players treat every interaction like it’s an audition. I’ve seen deathbed speeches that outlasted the boss fight. Intros longer than the dungeon crawl. And one ranger who gave his arrows names and backstories. That’s not immersion — that’s ego wrapped in velvet.
Good roleplay? It’s not in the length. It’s in the weight. One sentence in the right moment? That’s gold. A three-page speech while the rogue’s bleedin’ out? That’s treason.
So ask yerself:
Is this monologue for the story… or just for me?
Is the table leanin’ in… or leanin’ back?
Are ya buildin’ the world — or just buildin’ yer own pedestal?
If it’s the latter, pack it up. Save it for a flashback or a journal post — or better yet, don’t say it at all.
Watch How the Best Do It Quiet
Wanna see how to make impact without shoutin’ at the moon? Look at:
The Paladin Who Can’t Lie but Carries a Shield That Does — rarely talks, but every word hits like a hammer.
Captain Nail, the Law in Broken Armor — never gave a speech, still commanded respect.
Serynthelzaaz, the Hollow Bloom — didn’t speak at all, and still left a crater in the story.
It ain’t about the volume or the runtime. It’s about the timing, lad. Leave ‘em wantin’ more — not waitin’ for ya to stop.
Ask the Table, Not Just the Mirror
If yer unsure whether yer speech is helpful or just theatrical noise, try this:
Ask yer GM, “Can I have a quick moment for my character to respond?”
Check the vibe. Is the party ready to engage — or already movin’ on?
Keep it short the first time. If it lands? Expand later. If it flops? You saved everyone a headache.
This ain't a show. It’s a story built by a crew. And if yer hoggin’ the helm, YA DESERVE TO BE TOSSED OVERBOARD, YA TORCH-SNUFFIN’, SPOTLIGHT-STEALIN’, MILK-DRINKIN’, FLASHBACK-SPEWIN’, CAVE-LOST DRAMA WRAITH!!
…Sorry, lad. Lost me temper there.
FAQ
Q: How long is too long for in-character dialogue?
A: If yer talkin’ for more than a minute straight without a pause or roll, yer probably overdue for an “okay, what now?”
Q: Can I still have big emotional moments?
A: Course. But space ‘em out. Don’t turn every tavern into yer therapist’s office.
Q: What if I love roleplay and storytelling?
A: Good. Just share the scrolls. Make room for others. And don’t monologue mid-combat.
