The Bard Who Can’t Sing but Tries Anyway
Character Type: Player Build
Build Type: Roleplay-focused
Build Role: Face / Buffer / Chaos Vector
By Trickin’s Cursed Coin Purse, He’s Doing a Solo Again?!
I once had a bard in me tavern who climbed up on the table, strummed a lute like it owed him money, and belted out what he called “The Ballad of Thunderlove.”
It broke four glasses.
Scared the mule.
Made the soup curdle.
That bard? Kento Quicksong. No talent. No training. No business being near a stage. But stars help me, he believed.
Kento sings like a banshee in a tumble dryer. His flute playing causes headaches in dryads. His lute? Out of tune by choice. But he means well. And somehow — somehow — his performances still inspire people. Bards call it “the power of passion.” I call it tactical auditory assault.
And he never stops.
He thinks the party loves it.
They don’t. But they keep him around. Because somehow, it works.
He can’t carry a tune — but he’ll carry the party through heartbreak and hell.
👉 Want more character builds that shouldn’t work but do? Check out the Player Builds & NPCs archives. We’ve got chaos in every key.
How to Build a Bard Who Tries His Best (And Fails Gloriously)
This is not a musical prodigy. This is a bard with negative self-awareness and max Charisma. Build him for buffs, crowd control, and public embarrassment.
Race
Gnome (Rock) – Short, loud, and full of misplaced confidence.
Adds to the comedy. Boosts Charisma. Sounds like a kettle under pressure.
College: College of Valor
Because he thinks he’s a rock god. Lets him wear armor, swing a sword, and still think he's doing stage dives mid-fight.
Alternative: College of Eloquence — for the irony.
Fighting Style
Frontline support with a lute used as a melee weapon.
Casts spells between verses. Never shuts up.
Spell Choices
Dissonant Whispers – It’s how everyone feels hearing him.
Faerie Fire, Bane, and Invisibility — the last one used accidentally while trying to hit a high note.
Heroism and Enhance Ability — flavored as “musical inspiration” despite the shrieking.
Level-Up Guide
Levels 1–5:
Take Vicious Mockery (he thinks it’s a love song).
Focus on Inspire Courage and Healing Word.
Use Performance constantly — in towns, taverns, mid-combat.
Fail every musical check. Pass every Charisma save.
Levels 6–8:
College of Valor gives extra attacks and medium armor.
Take Moderately Armored feat or War Caster if he insists on one-hand lute soloing during combat.
Cast Shatter and flavor it as a vocal climax gone wrong.
Levels 9–12:
Major Image, Mass Suggestion, Confusion — all flavored as bizarre performance art.
Add Inspiring Leader feat and deliver pep talks via haiku.
Levels 13–20:
Max Charisma. Leave Intelligence low — he shouldn’t know how bad he is.
Take True Polymorph — because who wouldn't trust this lad to turn the villain into a sheep mid-encore?
Gear & Gig Venues
Item: The Emberhook Blade — a flashy, crowd-pleasing sword for a wannabe rockstar
Armor: Mistweave Leathers — theatrical and loud, just like him
Setting: Toss him into The Tavern of the Count — let him sing to spies and see what breaks first
He also pairs horribly with The Cleric Who Only Heals Animals. One sings at rats. The other heals them. It’s a duet from the Nine Hells.
His solos hurt. But his heart? It’s louder.
👉 Need a bard who’ll annoy the DM and uplift the party at the same time? Visit Mike’s Tavern or submit a fan letter in song form. Kento will read it aloud.
⚠️ And if your performance checks ever succeed, he’ll be your rival. Forever.
FAQ
Q: Can this bard actually be effective in combat?
A: Aye. Buffs, debuffs, and sheer emotional confusion go a long way — even if yer ears are bleedin’.
Q: Can I sing anyway, even if I roll low?
A: Milos would say no. Kento says yes. I say just warm up first, lad.
