The Barkeep Ain’t Flirtin’, They’re Paid to Smile, Lad
Mike’s Rant
Every time I sit down at a new table, there’s always one.
You know the one. The rogue who slinks up to the tavern bar, flicks a gold coin, leans in, and says…
“I roll to seduce the barkeep.”
And the whole table groans, cause they’ve heard it before. A hundred times. A thousand.
It’s not clever. It’s not original. And NO, LAD, THE BARKEEP ISN’T INTO YOU — THEY’RE JUST PAID TO SMILE.
Now don’t get me wrong. I ain’t here to kill yer fun. But if all yer character does is try to kiss every NPC that sells drinks or owns a necklace — then I got bad news.
You ain’t playin’ a character. Yer playin’ a problem.
A Little Flirtin’ Ain’t a Crime
Let’s be clear. Flirtin’ once in a while? That’s fine.
It’s funny. It’s awkward. It makes for good banter. Hell, sometimes the whole party gets in on it and starts throwin’ lines like daggers:
“Are you a mimic? ‘Cause I can’t stop staring at that chest.”
“Is your name Mage Hand? Because you’ve got me floatin’.”
“My love for you is like a failed stealth check — impossible to hide.”
“If I said you had a beautiful spellbook, would you let me read it?”
“Are you from the Feywild? Because time stops when I’m near ya.”
And if yer GM’s up for it? Great. Let the laughs roll.
But like all jokes — it’s fun until it’s not.
When the Joke Goes Stale
If flirtin’s the only thing yer character ever does, the rest of the table’s gonna stop laughin’. Fast.
Because here’s the thing:
Yer character should be more than a punchline.
They should have depth. Quirks. Struggles. Opinions. Dreams. Stuff they care about besides whatever the innkeeper’s wearin’ that day.
Wanna learn how to give yer characters real presence? Read Ye Don’t Have to Cry to Be a Character. Emotion ain’t weakness — and jokes alone don’t make a story.
The GM’s a Storyteller — Not Yer Dating App
Your GM spends hours buildin’ cities, politics, temples, cults, plots, and rich NPCs with tangled backstories — and yer tryin’ to kiss all of ‘em like yer runnin’ a romance simulator?
👉 Take a break from the barkeep and go read The Tavern Ain’t for Courtin’, Lad — Focus on the Game if yer still confused why folks are rollin’ their eyes at yer latest seduction roll.
Give Yer Characters Somethin’ to Live For
Characters get remembered not cause they flirt — but cause they feel real.
Make yours someone worth carin’ about:
Give ‘em a goal. A reason to travel. A vow to keep.
Give ‘em fear. Loss. Something they’ll run from — or fight for.
Give ‘em loyalty to the party. Or a grudge they can’t let go.
Give ‘em that one weird habit nobody understands — but everyone loves.
Wanna see what I mean? Go take a look at The Sorceress Who Glows Like a Villain But Fights Like a Hero. Drama, mystery, substance. That’s how ya build flavor, not just flirtin’ fluff.
What Happens When Ya Play It Right?
I’ll tell ya.
People start carin’. They wait for yer scenes. They back ya in fights. They root for ya when things go wrong. Because yer more than a one-liner — you’re a damn good character.
And funny enough? That makes yer flirtin’ better too.
It becomes part of who ya are. Not all of it.
And when you do drop that one killer pick-up line at the end of a long dungeon crawl?
It hits different.
The Barkeep Might Be Smilin’ — But the Table’s Watchin’ You
Don’t be the reason the game drags. Be the reason it shines.
👉 If yer unsure how to strike the right balance, contact the Tavern or peek into the FAQ for tips on building better character habits. Keep the charm — but back it up with somethin’ real.
FAQ
Q: What if my GM’s fine with constant flirtin’?
A: Great — but ask yer party, too. If they’re bored of it, ya still got a problem.
Q: I only flirt cause I don’t know how else to roleplay.
A: Then ya got room to grow — and that’s a good thing. There’s more to character than charisma.
Q: Is flirtin’ ever really useful in a game?
A: Aye — when it opens a door or closes one. But only if the rest o’ the character’s worth followin’.
