Flirtin’ with the Bartender Again? Roll for Restrainin’ Order

Nov 14

Mike’s Rant

Alright. It’s happened again.

We’re halfway through a dungeon crawl, the necromancer’s two rooms away, and someone — you know who — decides now’s the perfect time to ask the tiefling bard at the tavern if she’s got “any performance skills off the clock.”

And the rest of us? Just sittin’ there. Waitin’. Watchin’. Groanin’.

BY TRICKIN’S CURSED COIN PURSE, CAN WE PLEASE JUST ORDER OUR ALES IN PEACE?!

Look, I’m not against romance in games. If it fits the tone, if the GM’s cool with it, and if everyone’s on board — great. Toss a wink. Write a poem. Seduce the ghost king. Whatever.

But if yer flirtin’ is derailin’ the plot, makin’ folks uncomfortable, or hoggin’ the table for yer fantasy love life — then it’s time to pump the brakes before someone casts Zone of Nope.

1. Read the Room — Then Reread It Again

Here’s yer first question:

Is anyone else playin’ along? Or are they all leanin’ back, avoidin’ eye contact, and hopin’ the scene ends soon?

If you’re the only one leanin’ into the romantic tension, it ain’t a shared moment — it’s a monologue.

Are players smilin’ or checkin’ their phones?
Is the GM engaged or rushin’ past your scenes?
Are yer flirty lines gettin’ laughs with ya, or polite silence?

If the vibe ain’t right, then yer “romantic arc” is just clutter.

And if you’re unsure? Go read The Tavern Ain’t for Courtin’, Lad — Focus on the Game. Might save you from another awkward silence.

2. Ask — Don’t Assume

Before you start pitchin’ woo to every barkeep and monster with a nice smile, talk to the GM.

Ask this: “Is romance okay in this campaign?”

Then shut up and listen. Don’t push. Don’t nudge. And don’t test the waters with half-flirtin’ lines until someone says stop.

This ain’t a playground. It’s a table. Respect it.

Wanna know how to actually build scenes that pull folks in, not push ‘em out? Try Ye Don’t Have to Cry to Be a Character. There’s other ways to be memorable — without the lip service.

Your Character’s Fantasy Shouldn’t Hijack Everyone Else’s Fun

Ain’t nothin’ wrong with playin’ a romantic, smooth-talkin’ bard. But if the player next to ya is shrinkin’ in their seat every time you roll Persuasion, then yer story’s a problem — not a subplot.

👉 Hit the Tavern Etiquette scrolls if yer unsure where the line is. Or read Ain’t Nothin’ Romantic About Ruinin’ the Session if ya need a reminder that consent ain’t just for NPCs.

3. Signs It’s Gone Too Far

Here’s what ya need to watch for — in yerself or another player:

Every scene turns flirty, even in serious moments
The GM skips or blocks NPCs just to avoid more flirty distractions
Other players go silent during yer interactions
You get defensive when asked to tone it down
The NPC yer flirtin’ with keeps movin’ on — but you keep pushin’

And if someone at the table talks to ya? Listen. Don’t explain. Don’t justify. Just listen.

Want to build characters with depth instead of desperate charm? Look at The Sorceress Who Glows Like a Villain But Fights Like a Hero. Now that’s how you get attention — with substance.

4. There’s Room for Romance — Just Not Every Time, Every Scene, Every NPC

Romance in games can be lovely. Hell, it can be legendary.

But it ain’t the core mechanic.

You’re here to fight evil. Explore ruins. Bond with allies. Not court every guard, druid, dragon, and disguised hag.

Let the moments come natural. Don’t force ‘em. You’ll find they hit harder that way.

And if you want something quirky but meaningful? Read The Goblin Cleric Who Hates Healing. That one builds connection without layin’ a finger.

You Don’t Need a Love Story to Be a Memorable Character

Don’t mistake flirtin’ for flavor. Make a real character. One people root for. One people laugh with, not just at.

👉 Contact the Tavern if yer tryin’ to find the right tone for yer campaign. Or browse the FAQ for more on safe, fun, respectful play. We’ve got scrolls for every kind o’ fool — even the ones with wandering eyes.