Split the Party Again and I’ll Split Yer Character Sheet
Mike’s Rant
There’s two things guaranteed to ruin a good campaign: cursed mirrors and split parties.
Now don’t get me wrong — sometimes it happens. Maybe one fool gets separated by a trapdoor. Maybe yer rogue slinks off after loot. Maybe a drunken bard chases a ghost he thought was winkin’ at him. Fine.
But if every session turns into two groups playin’ two games at two tables in the same room, then I’ve got news for ya:
YA DON’T NEED A PARTY — YA NEED A DAMN MAP AND A THERAPIST.
Yer party is called a party fer a reason. Stick together, or quit complainin’ when the goblins eat half of ya.
Why Splittin’ Up Breaks the Game
Let’s say yer group decides to divide and conquer. “We’ll be faster,” ya say. “We’ll cover more ground,” ya say. And maybe that’s true — if yer in a scouting mission.
But most of the time, all it really means is:
The GM’s forced to juggle two scenes at once
Half the players get bored waitin’ for their turn
Nobody hears what the other half’s learnin’
Tension dies faster than a bard in melee
It’s like tryin’ to drink from two mugs at once. Yer just gonna spill everything, and someone’s gonna end up soaked.
What to Do Instead
Don’t worry — I ain’t just gonna yell at ya. Here’s how ya keep the party tight without makin’ it feel like yer chained together by dwarven steel.
Nominate a scout. One person peeks ahead while the rest hold a position. That’s not a split — that’s a tactic.
Handle downtime smart. If some folks go shoppin’ while others do research, let the GM batch those scenes instead o’ jumpin’ back and forth like a drunk jester.
Vote when yer divided. Half wanna fight, half wanna parley? Talk it out. Decide together. Don’t storm off like yer in a theatre troupe with too many egos.
Remind each other. Sometimes folks split by accident. “Hey, we should probably stick together,” goes a long way comin’ from a friend instead o’ the GM.
Wanna learn how to actually be part of a party? Go read Yer Not the Main Course, So Stop Hoggin’ the Spotlight. Some of ya need the reminder.
The Party That Stays Together Slays Together
Look, there’s nothin’ wrong with splittin’ for drama now and again. But if yer makin’ it a habit, yer causin’ more problems than yer solvin’.
👉 Need a better way to handle decisions with the party, not in spite of ‘em? Check out the Tavern Etiquette scrolls or dive into the Player Tips section for more advice that'll keep yer group tight — and yer GM sane.
When Splittin’ Makes Sense (Rare as a Sober Orc)
Alright, fine. Sometimes it works.
Yer playin’ a heist and everyone’s got a job. Fine.
Yer facin’ timed puzzles in two rooms. Alright.
The GM asks for it. Great. Yer in the clear.
But if yer the one pushin’ the split every session just because “it’s what my character would do,” then guess what?
Yer character’s a problem. And so are you.
You want a group built for chaos but still functions? Look at The Goblin Cleric Who Hates Healing and The Sorceress Who Glows Like a Villain. Both of ‘em are weird as hell — but they stick with the party.
Don’t Be the Reason the GM Needs a Nap After Every Session
Yer GM ain’t a stage magician with ten arms and a scroll of clone self. Yer party’s already hard enough to wrangle. So next time ya start wanderin’ off solo, remember:
👉 Contact the Tavern if ya need help fixin’ yer group dynamic, or check the FAQ if yer not sure what counts as “splittin’ the party.” And remember — if yer still breathin’, yer still part of the team.
FAQ
Q: What if splittin’ the party makes sense for the story?
A: Then talk it out with the group first. Drama’s fine — abandonment ain’t.
Q: My character would go off alone. Shouldn’t I be true to that?
A: Aye, but if yer character keeps makin’ the game worse for everyone else, maybe it’s time yer character learns to grow.
Q: How do I keep things fun while still playin’ a loner?
A: Give yer loner a reason to stay. Loyalty, debt, revenge, respect — anything. That tension’s what makes ‘em interestin’, not the wanderin’.
