If Ya Never Miss, Yer Probably Playin’ Wrong

Dec 4

By Durven’s last tankard, I’ve seen heroes who can’t miss a hit — and not a single one of ‘em was worth a song.
Perfect dice, perfect plan, perfect execution… and perfectly borin’.

See, the best stories in any tavern start the same way: “So there I was, thinkin’ it’d go smooth…”
Then comes the fire, the screams, the chaos — the good part.
But some o’ ye play like yer afraid of failure. Every time the dice tumble, ye flinch like they’re gonna bite. Aye, I see it in yer eyes.

Let me tell ye somethin’, lad: failure’s where the story lives.

When the Dice Betray Ya — That’s When the Real Play Begins

I once watched a wizard miss a firebolt so bad he set himself on fire.
Did we mock him? Aye.
Did we remember it? Ten years later, we still toast him at the table.

Every stumble, every miss, every botched persuasion check — that’s gold. It gives yer table somethin’ to laugh at, rally around, build from.
If ye hit every attack, charm every noble, and solve every riddle, ye ain’t adventurin’. Yer takin’ dictation from the dice gods.

A perfect run’s a dull run. Nobody ever raised a mug for the fighter who “performed as expected.”

Failure Builds Legends, Not Losers

Ye know what makes a great tale?
It ain’t the victory. It’s the recovery.

The rogue who failed the stealth check and improvised with a loud distraction.
The bard who flubbed the speech but won hearts anyway.
The cleric who healed the wrong man but inspired a village to believe again.

Failure forces creativity. It pushes the table into new stories the GM didn’t script — the kind that feel real.

And between us, lad, GMs love when players take failure and spin it into gold. It means yer playin’, not just rollin’.

Learn to Laugh at Yer Losses

Ye want to be remembered? Make yer failures funny, clever, or costly — but never ignored.
If the dice say no, don’t whine. React.
Fall down, get up, and do somethin’ daft to make the table howl.

Because when ye embrace bad rolls, ye stop fightin’ the story and start feedin’ it.

Take the fool from Yer Cleric Ain’t a Walkin’ Health Potion.
He learned that lesson the hard way — failed his heal check, lost the barbarian, and somehow inspired the rest o’ the party to fight smarter.
See? Failure leads to growth… or funerals. Either way, it’s progress.

The Problem with Perfect Players

Some o’ ye — aye, I can see ye squirm — treat every roll like a test o’ worth.
Miss once, and ye sulk.
Fail a save, and ye blame the dice.
Roll a one, and ye stare at the GM like they personally betrayed yer ancestors.

Grow up, lad. This ain’t a competition.
It’s a story told with dice, not controlled by ‘em.
Yer GM ain’t tryin’ to kill ye — they’re tryin’ to make ye interesting.

A player who never fails is a statue: shiny, unmovin’, and forgotten the moment the next one rolls in.

Miss Proudly, Lad — It Means Ye Tried

There’s honor in effort, even when the result’s ugly.
Heroes fall, fools rise, and the tavern fills with laughter that’ll outlive any perfect hit.

So next time ye botch a roll, grin like a mad dwarf and say, “Aye, that’s how legends start.”
‘Cause it is.

👉 Find kin spirits in If It Feels Like Work, Yer Doin’ It Wrong, or cool yer temper at About Mike’s Tavern.
And if yer dice truly hate ye — don’t replace ‘em. Keep ‘em. A cursed set’s a storyteller’s gift.